Wonder Woman Bad Movie Review - Spoilers Galore
The time has come, ladies and gentleman, for the bad movie reviews to begin. I know, do not get too excited now. Settle down. Settle down, please. Today's lucky winner for my first review: It came out awhile ago, but I thought for everyone to get a clear picture of how this will work. Some love it, some hate it, and somehow it's part of a franchise that ignores its fan and just keeps shoveling the dirt over the grave of its parents... Wonder Woman. The Amazonian princess movie that puts a new spin on what it means to be a feminist (Apparently it's doing whatever the men say).
Let's begin, shall we? I was SO excited for this movie when it was announced. I've always been a fan of Princess Diana. The Greek mythology, the badass lasso, and, of course, the outfit. She is what most little girls should strive to be, at least I think. I am a guy after all. That is why I wanted to see this movie. For me, it was DC's last chance to show me something that was worth watching, and not just a giant slap to my childhood self's face. Luckily, it wasn't a slap, just a monumental disappointment. I wasn't only upset at the movie, but at my friend I was with, and myself a little. He loved it, and I tried to hold back my pain, but I had to come clean and tell him the truth. We disagreed, and I couldn't believe that he liked it. I was perplexed.
Now, before I start the slaughter, I'll let you in on my thought process throughout the movie. First, I was confused, then disappointed; not mad, only disappointed; and finally I walked out of the theater mad. I'll go through the movie using these to differentiate between acts 1, 2, and 3. Ready? Here we go.
Confusion - Act I
Let's start with the beginning. So, the movie starts in modern times with Diana as a curator for a museum. She sits in her office surrounded by ancient artifacts and admires an old picture of her back in World War I with her team. That's when we get transported back in time to Themyscira and see Diana as a child. Her mother gives her the whole spiel about Ares and why he's such a bad god. The mythology of it all was a little iffy for me. I grew up studying Greek mythology as a hobby, so I have a love for it, and it wasn't that bad. Just a little... off.
After that we see Diana being trained by different mentors on the island. She accidentally discovers her power with her bracelets. It's not really explained through the movie, which is a little annoying, but oh well. Maybe nobody knows I guess. Then, she sees a plane crash in the ocean, she saves the pilot, who is a MAN. Steve Trevor played by Chris Pine, and a piece of his destroyed plane floats off and is discovered by the German naval fleet that shot him down. All they have to do is stick their head through some fog and they can see the "hidden" island. Pretty surprising that no one had ever found the island by accident before this, but again, I don't know.
There's a badass action sequence between the German fleet and the Amazons. It's great and exciting. Mentors get killed, and I won't delve in too deep, but overall I liked the fight.
Let's fast-forward a bit to where Diana wants to leave with Steve to fight in the war with him because she believes Ares to be the cause of all the chaos. She steals some un-guarded weapons and finds a perfectly-fitting outfit to wear. That's handy. The couple sneak away on a small boat, where they sail for 12 hours and manage to make it to London by morning. I don't know much about sailing, but I'm pretty sure in 1918 it would take a little longer to sail from somewhere near Greece, I assume, all the way to London in one night, but AGAIN, I guess I just don't know.
BY THE WAY: I'm not shitting on this movie because I'm a guy, or I think that women don't belong in superhero movies as the star. For me, this movie's story structure was sloppy and all over the place. I noticed a lack of feminism in this movie, and that's my biggest complaint. Okay, quick sidetrack, let's get back.
Not Mad, Just Disappointed - Act II
Okay, so they get to London, and there they meet Steve's secretary, or assistant. This is someone that Diana has a problem with because she is confused to see a woman's job being taking orders from a man all day. There's a few good quips about that, but that is about it. I wanted more, and I expected more. Anyway, Steve and Diana deliver a notebook that he had stolen from Dr. Maru regarding a new mustard gas in development. Steve is forbidden to help the Western Front (where the gas is to be released), but he goes anyway and decides to bring Diana along with him.
Here is one of my biggest flaws with the movie. The Belgium trench. They arrive, and Steve tells Diana that it's No Man's Land. So, of course, Diana believes that she can cross no problem. Which is true. She just walks up by herself. The machine gun bullets (the only bullets that seem to be firing at her) fire at convenient bracelet height. Steve sees this one woman fighting, and decides that they can all fight. They do, and then defeat the enemy trench with little effort.
Diana and Steve infiltrate a gala separately and for different reason, Steve to destroy the gas and Diana to kill the man she believes to be Ares. Steve stops her from doing that, and the village they saved after defeating the trench is gassed and its people killed. She tells Steve to back off and chases the alleged Ares to a base where the gas is being loaded on an aircraft.
Okay, so up to this point, Diana has really done much for herself. She decides to go to No Man's Land when no one else would, and save the village of Vled, but other than that she's just following Steve around. Also, in the beginning of the movie, we learn how educated the Amazons are on the outside world, but Diana has a lot of moments that make her seem naive to a point she likes a child. It makes it hard to understand her character when sometimes she has this ancient wisdom, but other times she has no idea how things work.
Okay, Now I'm Upset - Act III
This final fight scene between Diana and Ares is a CGI bore. Just like the other DCEU movies; BvS, Suicide Squad, I assume Justice League had one. There's too much going on, and it can be so overwhelming that you actually stop paying attention because you can't.
So, Diana kills the man she believes to be Ares, and he's not. The real Ares is one of the politicians, Sir Patrick. He explains his evil scheme that he's been conducting for hundreds of years, and they fight. He tells Diana how she is actually the "Godkiller" daughter of Zeus, and now she has Thor-like powers all of a sudden. She is striking lightning and redirecting it around. My first thought during that was, "Where was this when she was fighting Doomsday in BvS? She could've used this to help out Superman before he was killed. What a bad person."
Steve hijacks the bomber and sacrifices himself by blowing the bombs. Ares tries to convince Diana to kill Dr. Maru, but she kills him instead. The doctor gets away with no one stopping her somehow, and Ares is dead. Somehow, this causes the soldiers fighting to hug even though they don't know if the war is over. Just this one front is saved, but there's still a lot going on elsewhere.
Back to the present, where Diana thanks Bruce Wayne for the picture, and then she sneaks away, changes into her armor, and jumps away. Roll credits.
This movie has a lot of flaws that even I didn't cover fully. It does have it's good scenes, of course, but I was surprised by all the amazing reviews for this movie. It makes me wonder what the critics were looking for in the movie. If you look online at non-critics there a lot of negatives and confusion to the over-positive reviews. What do I know, right? I'm no movie reviewer. I'm just a guy that writes stories for a living. Oh well. Let me know what you guys think about this review. If you have hate, bring it on. If you have other movies that you think need to be taken down, share it with a comment.
I'll see you all tomorrow. Buh-bye.
ONE MORE THING. With all that power that Diana gained at the end of the movie, uhm... where was she during that other big war that happened right after that one? On vacation? Little weird, don't you think?
Let's begin, shall we? I was SO excited for this movie when it was announced. I've always been a fan of Princess Diana. The Greek mythology, the badass lasso, and, of course, the outfit. She is what most little girls should strive to be, at least I think. I am a guy after all. That is why I wanted to see this movie. For me, it was DC's last chance to show me something that was worth watching, and not just a giant slap to my childhood self's face. Luckily, it wasn't a slap, just a monumental disappointment. I wasn't only upset at the movie, but at my friend I was with, and myself a little. He loved it, and I tried to hold back my pain, but I had to come clean and tell him the truth. We disagreed, and I couldn't believe that he liked it. I was perplexed.
Now, before I start the slaughter, I'll let you in on my thought process throughout the movie. First, I was confused, then disappointed; not mad, only disappointed; and finally I walked out of the theater mad. I'll go through the movie using these to differentiate between acts 1, 2, and 3. Ready? Here we go.
Confusion - Act I
Let's start with the beginning. So, the movie starts in modern times with Diana as a curator for a museum. She sits in her office surrounded by ancient artifacts and admires an old picture of her back in World War I with her team. That's when we get transported back in time to Themyscira and see Diana as a child. Her mother gives her the whole spiel about Ares and why he's such a bad god. The mythology of it all was a little iffy for me. I grew up studying Greek mythology as a hobby, so I have a love for it, and it wasn't that bad. Just a little... off.
After that we see Diana being trained by different mentors on the island. She accidentally discovers her power with her bracelets. It's not really explained through the movie, which is a little annoying, but oh well. Maybe nobody knows I guess. Then, she sees a plane crash in the ocean, she saves the pilot, who is a MAN. Steve Trevor played by Chris Pine, and a piece of his destroyed plane floats off and is discovered by the German naval fleet that shot him down. All they have to do is stick their head through some fog and they can see the "hidden" island. Pretty surprising that no one had ever found the island by accident before this, but again, I don't know.
There's a badass action sequence between the German fleet and the Amazons. It's great and exciting. Mentors get killed, and I won't delve in too deep, but overall I liked the fight.
Let's fast-forward a bit to where Diana wants to leave with Steve to fight in the war with him because she believes Ares to be the cause of all the chaos. She steals some un-guarded weapons and finds a perfectly-fitting outfit to wear. That's handy. The couple sneak away on a small boat, where they sail for 12 hours and manage to make it to London by morning. I don't know much about sailing, but I'm pretty sure in 1918 it would take a little longer to sail from somewhere near Greece, I assume, all the way to London in one night, but AGAIN, I guess I just don't know.
BY THE WAY: I'm not shitting on this movie because I'm a guy, or I think that women don't belong in superhero movies as the star. For me, this movie's story structure was sloppy and all over the place. I noticed a lack of feminism in this movie, and that's my biggest complaint. Okay, quick sidetrack, let's get back.
Not Mad, Just Disappointed - Act II
Okay, so they get to London, and there they meet Steve's secretary, or assistant. This is someone that Diana has a problem with because she is confused to see a woman's job being taking orders from a man all day. There's a few good quips about that, but that is about it. I wanted more, and I expected more. Anyway, Steve and Diana deliver a notebook that he had stolen from Dr. Maru regarding a new mustard gas in development. Steve is forbidden to help the Western Front (where the gas is to be released), but he goes anyway and decides to bring Diana along with him.
Here is one of my biggest flaws with the movie. The Belgium trench. They arrive, and Steve tells Diana that it's No Man's Land. So, of course, Diana believes that she can cross no problem. Which is true. She just walks up by herself. The machine gun bullets (the only bullets that seem to be firing at her) fire at convenient bracelet height. Steve sees this one woman fighting, and decides that they can all fight. They do, and then defeat the enemy trench with little effort.
Diana and Steve infiltrate a gala separately and for different reason, Steve to destroy the gas and Diana to kill the man she believes to be Ares. Steve stops her from doing that, and the village they saved after defeating the trench is gassed and its people killed. She tells Steve to back off and chases the alleged Ares to a base where the gas is being loaded on an aircraft.
Okay, so up to this point, Diana has really done much for herself. She decides to go to No Man's Land when no one else would, and save the village of Vled, but other than that she's just following Steve around. Also, in the beginning of the movie, we learn how educated the Amazons are on the outside world, but Diana has a lot of moments that make her seem naive to a point she likes a child. It makes it hard to understand her character when sometimes she has this ancient wisdom, but other times she has no idea how things work.
Okay, Now I'm Upset - Act III
This final fight scene between Diana and Ares is a CGI bore. Just like the other DCEU movies; BvS, Suicide Squad, I assume Justice League had one. There's too much going on, and it can be so overwhelming that you actually stop paying attention because you can't.
So, Diana kills the man she believes to be Ares, and he's not. The real Ares is one of the politicians, Sir Patrick. He explains his evil scheme that he's been conducting for hundreds of years, and they fight. He tells Diana how she is actually the "Godkiller" daughter of Zeus, and now she has Thor-like powers all of a sudden. She is striking lightning and redirecting it around. My first thought during that was, "Where was this when she was fighting Doomsday in BvS? She could've used this to help out Superman before he was killed. What a bad person."
Steve hijacks the bomber and sacrifices himself by blowing the bombs. Ares tries to convince Diana to kill Dr. Maru, but she kills him instead. The doctor gets away with no one stopping her somehow, and Ares is dead. Somehow, this causes the soldiers fighting to hug even though they don't know if the war is over. Just this one front is saved, but there's still a lot going on elsewhere.
Back to the present, where Diana thanks Bruce Wayne for the picture, and then she sneaks away, changes into her armor, and jumps away. Roll credits.
This movie has a lot of flaws that even I didn't cover fully. It does have it's good scenes, of course, but I was surprised by all the amazing reviews for this movie. It makes me wonder what the critics were looking for in the movie. If you look online at non-critics there a lot of negatives and confusion to the over-positive reviews. What do I know, right? I'm no movie reviewer. I'm just a guy that writes stories for a living. Oh well. Let me know what you guys think about this review. If you have hate, bring it on. If you have other movies that you think need to be taken down, share it with a comment.
I'll see you all tomorrow. Buh-bye.
ONE MORE THING. With all that power that Diana gained at the end of the movie, uhm... where was she during that other big war that happened right after that one? On vacation? Little weird, don't you think?
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