Celebrating Birthdays of the Dead

Hey guys, sorry about all the death posts in the last few days (including this one), but it's just been on the mind recently, you know what I mean?

Your birthday is your day. Even if you don't celebrate on the anniversary of your birth, people in your life will honor you on this day with gifts, song and special treatment. And in turn, you honor your loved ones on their birthdays too. But what about those who have passed away?

No matter what, the date of your deceased loved one's birth will remind you of them. Past birthdays, parties, gifts and adventures are painful to recall in the aftermath of a special person's death. That's why some people choose to carry on the tradition of honoring the birthdays of a dead friend or relatives, even though the person of honor is missing from the festivities.

Relationships Continue Long After Death

Just because someone you love no longer walks on earth does not mean your relationship is over. Nor does it mean the relationship has to become stagnant. As odd as it might seem, our dead loved ones stay with us as we live, learn and grow. Changes within yourself mean changes in perspective—this is a lifelong process. And as you change, so does your perspective on different relationships.

Though the relationship is now one-sided, it does not cease to exist. Especially during the many phases of grief, it's normal to feel sudden anger toward the deceased person. As grief becomes part of you, your life will change. When you get a new job, start dating someone new, experience new births in your family, travel or learn new skills, you'll wish that your deceased loved one could be there to share these milestones.

So when their birthday rolls around, and you notice it, it's natural to have feelings about it. That's why some people use their loved one's birthday as a chance to remember and celebrate their life.

How To Celebrate A Dead Person

Most people don't celebrate birthdays of the deceased with a party. Instead, the day acts as a recurring memorial for the sharing of memories. Some invite those who knew the deceased person to visit and reminisce, others donate to charity in the name of their deceased loved one, and still others visit the gravesite.

The point is not to languish in grief. If you feel moved to honor your loved one on their birthday, you should allow yourself the time and space to celebrate in your own way. But if the idea of celebrating your dead loved one's birthday doesn't make sense to you, there's no need to go out of your way to remember them.

However you choose to grieve passed loved ones, just remember that we're all different, and that includes how we grieve. Some people feel the need to celebrate with a remembrance party, others want nothing more than to move on with their lives. We've all lived different lives from differing perspectives.

Maybe your father was a perfect man that you will miss horribly. Another person might see their father as someone who was never around and died at the bottom of a bottle somewhere. So, there's no need to berate the second because he chooses to move on with his own life and not remember his past obstacles.

Or, you could be like me, who remembers that those relatives are gone, but is horrible with everyone's birthday - both living and deceased - so when the day comes it's too late to even plan a party. I am reminded of them, I look at a few pictures if I have them, think of a really good memory, and then move on with myself until the next time. You can't have your own life if you're stuck remembering someone else's. 

See you all tomorrow.

Buh-bye.